Friday, April 6, 2012

BELATED Insecure Writer's Post...

... just like the birthday card I sent my brother. 

But, as they say, BETTER LATE THAN NEVER!! Haha!! How's that for incredibly cliche, my lovely writing, critique buddies?

Anyway, this ol' time around, I'm struggling with the insecurities that arise after a HUGE re-write. Yes, you've all been there... feeling the thrill, chills, and (yes) RELIEF at finally reaching the finish line once again, only to go back, read your first chapter and FREAK OUT because... 

"WHAT IF IT ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH AND I ONLY THOUGHT IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH??!??!" 

...Um.... yeah... 

Okay, so maybe I'm the only one who freaks out like that... [cue awkward music]...

But seriously... what brings on this insecurity? Here I just finished SLAVING over a draft, excited because I'm about ready to send the revisions out to the agenting wolves again, and I'm SCARED?? Why? If memory serves me correctly, I just freakin' busted my butt to make the book BETTER. I pined over every word. Every sentence. And every character flaw. Again and again and again. I didn't move on until I was totally satisfied. So why do I suddenly panic, thinking that while I was making it better it suddenly got worse? 

I have a theory...

Is it because we are CONSTANTLY improving our writing craft? So much so, that as we revise a book, it gets better and better, until finally--at the end--there is a VISIBLE difference between our skill at Chapter 1 and our skill after the final battle?

Maybe.

Okay, THAT, or its just a mental mind freak-out game we play with ourselves. 

Your thoughts? I'd really love to know I'm not the only crazy maniacal writer out there that needs to be tranquilized after every draft round...

67 comments:

S. L. Hennessy said...

These days it almost feels like the biggest part of being a writer isn't the writing, or the mind-numbing revisions, or even the, ya know, creativity. Its the waiting and the FREAKING OUT. Because I've been doing a lot of that too. It would be so much easier if people - and by people I of course mean agents and editors - simply realized our genius and published us without the need for fear induced freak-outs. You know what I mean?

Johanna Garth said...

Oh no, you're not the only crazy writer! Have no fear, we all think our work from last week and last year was terrible. Sometimes I can't even bring myself to re-read my published work! I think it's just because we're all getting better all the time! How's that for a positive spin ;)

Julie said...

Lauren: Seeeeeriously! Why can't they just TAKE MY WORD that I'm the next J.-freakin'-K-Rowling, huh??! Pft! I don't get it either...

Johanna: Oh so glad I'm not the only one!! Haha! That's funny about not wanting to read your own work... I often wonder if actors are the same way... I think if I was an actor it would be SO incredibly painful to watch myself on screen! Gah!! Haha ( :

Heather said...

There is always a moment of doubt. Take a deep breath, tell yourself you were meant to do this and you are worthy, and push forward. :)

Super Happy Jen said...

I know that I can look over a piece, declare it perfect, send it off, and then the next day I'll find a very stupid mistake on the first page, like using the wrong "their" or forgetting a word entirely. The moral: just send it off and don't look at it until you hear back from someone. (And if it's crap, that's okay, people publish crap alot!)

Samantha said...

Revisiona are sooooo tricky. *Throws some chocolate your way* Good luck sister!


:D

Julie said...

Jen: Hahahahaha! OH GOOD! So glad I'm not the only one! And you're right about the crapola being published... every time I see that kind of stuff I want to shout: "SEEEEEE! SEE! If THEY can get published, SO CAN I!!!"

Samantha: *Catches chocolate* THANK YOU!!

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