Bumper Sticker Bogus

I swear, hubbs is going for mucho hubby brownie points or something tonight. After dinner, he nuzzles up to me and says:

"Hey babe, you haven't written a blog post in like two weeks. Why don't you go do that while I do dishes."

Como say wha?! (That's Spanglish for "Huh?!)

Not one to turn down a skip-to-GO-and-collect-two-hundred-dollars-for-free card, I gladly accepted! Consider your mucho hubby brownie points awarded, babe!

So... now what to talk about on my golden monopoly card night? (Which is, of course, the skip-to-GO card and Wonka-golden-ticket combo package)...

Email tag lines. Why? Because I had a bad experience with one the other day. And yeah... I gotta admit, I'm just not a fan.

Look, I get that adding "Smile, life is beautiful!" to every email you send is supposed to add the warm, happy fuzzy feeling of inspiration to a person's day. And you know what? Who am I to judge, maybe some people ARE inspired by such email tags.

But not me. Why?

They're kind of like the posters plastering the walls of every dentist office in the continental US. YOU know the ones. Since I'm quite certain they aren't up for their asthetically pleasing nature, there can be only one reason for their decorative presence. And I'm sorry, Doc, but the cute kitten-hanging-from-a-tree-branch poster with the "Hang in there!" tag line does NOT make me feel better about the whole needle-and-drill routine.  

[Shrugs]. Sorry. 

Bumper stickers. Dentist office posters. Email tag lines. They're all kind of fake. Know what I mean? A superficial method of inspiration. Call me a cynic, I know.

ANY-who, so I'm sittin' there at work the other day, minding my own business, and I get this email with one of the most ridiculous email tags in the history of email tags. Okay, so maybe not THE most ridiculous, but it was pretty darn close:

"We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails."

Now, I kind of sorta maybe DON'T get what is so inspiring about this "inspirational" quote. This was my translation:

"If the situation isn't taking you where you want to go, reevaluate your destination!"

Meh?? That kind of stupidity ranks up there with Lady Gaga wearing her meat dress to a dog fight.

[Hardy, har. Lame joke alert!]

Now granted, I'm not a sailor. It is, perhaps, possible that if you wanna go north but the winds are blowin' south, that you can adjust the sails to take you north AGAINST the winds. But somehow, I just don't think it works that way. At least--as a non sailor personnel--I don't see how that could physically work. Hence, my translation of said tag. Which I maintain: is ridiculous.

Most of you, dear readers, are writers. Most of you are not published. But most of you are also working your little rear ends off to GET published. And just in case you haven't realized it yet, the wind ain't NEVER gunna be blowin' you to publication my friends! We have to sweat blood and tears to MAKE it happen. Does that mean we reevaluate our goals?

I think not.

Here's what I propose that email sender change her tag line to:

"If you can't change the wind... cannon ball, belly flop or dive outta that freakin' boat and start swimming the direction YOU want to go!"

But that's just my opinion.

What lame tag, bumper sticker or dentist office poster lines have YOU come across?!

Bad Breath and Blog Awards

Julie: [ZZZzzzzz]

Rob: Good morning sunshine! [nuzzles and kisses with freshly shaved face]

Julie: Mmmmph-gooommzzzbpwolekrjlksjbbzzzz$$#!!!

Rob: Man, can you imagine how nasty it would have been to kiss Sleeping Beauty?

Julie: [peeks one eye open]

Rob: I mean... asleep for 100 years? She had to have some serious cotton mouth!

Bahahahahahaha! Ignoring the jibe at my own cotton-mouthed morning breath, I love you, hubs! You make me laugh!

In other news, Miss Mel Fowler just awareded me the Versatile Blogger award! Okay, so... I admit... this happened AT LEAST a weeke ago... but I've been a busy girl! Give a break, please!

Yay! I love blog awards!

THE RULES:

1- Link it back to the person who gave it to you

2- Tell 7 random facts about yourself

3- Give this award to 5 other people.

So, without further gilding the lily and with no more ado, I give you... the seekers of serenity, the protectors of Italian virginity, the enforcers of our Lord God.... my five awardees!! [Bahaha, I heart A Knight's Tale!]

1-Christa Writes

2-Ali Cross

3-Peggy Eddleman

4-Heather's Odyssey

5-Barbara Kloss

Thank you for your wonderful, VERSATILE, blogs you five! I love reading your posts... keep 'em coming!

 

And, of course, 7 random facts about me:

1-I am a self proclaimed Diet Coke addict

2-I hate it when people read over my shoulder

3-My fav. color is red

4-In second grade I pulled the fire alarm on a dare and evacuated the whole school

5-My thumbs are double jointed

6-For no apparent reason, I've had a fascination with living in a cabin in Alaska, or a lighthouse in Maine, both places I've never been!

7-I like to bake, not cook

Happy Blogging!

Cover Contest!!

Teralyn Rose Pilgrim over at A Writer's Journey is hosting a "create your own book cover" contest! Here is my entry:

I clicked through a few of the covers already, and I won't lie, there are some seriously oober cool covers out there! Despite my love of photography, my skillzzzz with photo editing still range near the... well... amateur level! I'm not sure how my cover will hold up against everyone else... but it's STILL SO FUN!!

As you can see, my entry is numeral 31 below!! Click "like" if you like my cover (or if you just like me and don't want to see my cover suffer from a horrible and shameful loss!)

Guest Blog Post!

Hey Peeps,

Head on over to C.K. Bryant's blog for my lovely guest blog appearance! Here's the link.

And of course, a big THANK YOU to C.K. for allowing me to use up space on her blog! You rock, woman!

Once Upon a Time...

What every story needs, that is, what every fairy tale is simply incomplete without, is..... a handsome prince [OR, knight in shinning armor, sparkly vampire, hunky outlaw in tights.... insert applicable hero here!] Because, lets be honest, us princesses are nothing without the men we love... we get all weepy and sad without them. We loose a shoe, fall asleep for a hundred years, eat poison fruit and can't seem to find the scissors to cut the dang hair off already! The completely sappy, but honest to goodness truth is: we're just better when we're together!

And since every princess needs her dream hunk, what would my life story be without my own white knighted prince? Don't worry, I snagged him five years ago:

I'll forgive you for swooning, if you must. He IS, after all, a dream! AND a hopeless romantic...

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, Prince Rob rode into the Kingdom (aka: Paris, France) on his white horse (Delta Airlines) and with the aid of several sneaky and conniving handmaidens (my London flatmates), swept his princess (Me) off her feet with a completely romantic proposal in a beautiful park overlooking Paris at dusk!

The ecstatic princess, at awe in finding her handsome prince in the beautiful park, said yes (after getting over her initial shock, of course, at being so blindsided by a surprise... she had no idea it was coming, you see), agreeing to give her hand and heart to her handsome prince in marriage. Soon after, the handsome prince and his lovely princess bride were married on August 22, 2006:

Soon after which the entire Kingdom rejoiced (or, at least both sets of in laws), and the Prince and Princess lived happily ever after:

Happy FIFTH Anniversary, Robbie Baby! You put a dance in my step and a song in my heart! You make me laugh every day and bring me so much joy! I am--without a doubt--a much better person with you in my life. I love you more than words can say, and can't wait to share many, MANY more anniversaries to come!

Introducing: S.L. Hennessy!!!!

SOOOOOOO excited to announce that my writing bestie, LAUREN HENNESSY (or S.L. Hennessy, as she likes to pen name it up) from Pensuasion, just signed with her new agent JOSH GETZLER of Hannigan, Salky, Getzler Literary Agency!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! GO LAUREN!!!!!!!! [happy dance]

I've been bursting with excitement to announce it on my blog the past few days, but didn't want to say anything until it was official. FINALLY, sweet release! The contract is signed:

That's Lauren. Isn't she cute? Haha ( :

Lauren met Josh at the Houston Writer's Guild writing conference in May, earlier this year. After submitting her ms and a nail-biting wait of several months, she finally heard back this week! Her YA novel, The Evil Overlord Society's Guide to Becoming an Evil Overlord has just entered the dreaded revision stage [cue dramatic music]. However, since she's brilliant and awesome, there shouldn't be too much to fix. I've read the whole thing already (perks of being friends with writers: getting sneak peeks) and must say it is fantastic! You all will love it, I'm sure!

CONGRATULATIONS, LAUREN!! I am SO excited for you, girlie!!!!

Now I must control my anxiety, and try to wait patiently as I wait for Josh to read MY ms!! Lauren and I met Josh at the same writing conference, and submitted our ms's to him around the same time. We've been through this roller coaster ride together, but I must say: she's the lucky one! Being second in line does NOTHING for your nerves!! Haha! ( :

Liebster Blog

So there I was... put-puttin' it up the 610 today in stop-and-go rush hour traffic, hating the fact that its Monday and that I'll have to do the said stop-and-go traffic routine at LEAST 4 more times this week (I usually get lucky if I'm up early enough in the morning... no traffic then! Just at night...), seriously contemplating just going to bed right when I got home (yes, at 7 o'clock at night, don't judge), when all of the sudden...

I GET A BLOG AWARD!!

From none other than my online-blogging-bestie, Barbara Kloss!

For those of you who aren't stalkin' Barb's blog, you should. She's awesome. He posts are always insightful, inspiring and humorous, and she always, always, ALWAYS has a big blogging smile on her face with lots of writing support to spare! THAT... and did I mention she is an up and coming YA author? Barb is publishing her fantastic, magical, YA masterpiece, Gaia's Secret in the very near future (sorry, Barb, I'm not sure the exact date!) Definitely jet on over to her blog and check out that amazing, go-getter woman!

FYI, this fantastic award is in German, so those of you scratching your heads wondering were you went wrong, never fear! "Liebester" means "dearest," and is a term for close friends (correct me if I'm wrong, Mike!) This award spotlights totally-rock-awesome bloggers with 200 followers or less. Now the Rules!

1) Thank the giver (I heart you, Barb! Thanks for thinkin' of me!), and link back to the blogger who gave it to you

2) Reveal your top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog

3) Copy and paste the award on your blog

4) Have faith that your followers will spread the love to other bloggers!

5) Last, but far from least, HAPPY BLOGGING!

My five super-duper awesome picks are:

1. Lauren Hennessey--was my first Houston friend, who I met at none other than a writing critique group. Is there any better recipe for friendship than that? I think not! Lauren is FULL of encouragement and support, and is quite the rock-awesome, super hero-lovin' nerd, so those wanting to lose five bucks in a comic-book-or-nerdy-movie-trivia contest, she's your girl!

2. Nikki Loftin--MAY have more than 200 followers, I'm not sure (she doesn't have the follower counter displayed on her blog).... BUT... she's awesome anyway! Nikki gave a FANTASTIC presentation at the Houston Writer's conference in May. I could not get enough of her snarky humor, outgoing personality, and great advice! Her first novel, The Sinister Sweetness of Splendid Academy, is being published in 2012. Way to go, Nikki (J.K. Rowling, who??)

3. Ru--cause she's freakin' hilarious. Her posts are not all writing related, but never fail to make me laugh! Plus, Ru was my first blog stalker (ahem--follower) whom I'd never actually met in person, so I figure that kind of gives us a weird cosmos connection of some kind. Woot, woot for lawyers who wanna-be writers ( :

4. T. J., aka The Frost Lord (he's a self proclaimed superhero... awesome, right?!)--who seems like such a dedicated writer! I'm always impressed at the effort that goes into his blogging, and from the snipits of his book I've read, he will be a YA force to be reckoned with at some point. Plus, his fav. book is HP. I mean, if that doesn't give him like a thousand and one brownie points right there, I don't know what does! Seriously, check out his blog, it's impressive!

5. Lana--why Lana, who lives clear on the other side of the world from me? (I've never been to Australia!) Lana is such a goal-oriented writer. She even has a little tabby thing on her blog with yearly and weekly writing goals. SO cool, right? She's an inspiration to dedication, and is definitly a fellow writer I could learn a few tricks in self-dicipline from!

What are you waiting for? Go check out these awesome writers! Happy Blogging, peeps!

I'm MELTING!

Channeling my inner-Elphaba today...

Because, really? Its just THAT hot.

Welcome to Houston.

(P.s. The only one who has claim to complain more than me here, is Barbara--[holla!]--in Phoenix. The rest of you, pitty me, please!)

The Nagger

I have now reached the point where--according to carefully calculated and time-tested studies (and by that I just mean from all the agent gossip I've gleamed)--I should be hearing back from the lovely agents I met at the May writers conference.

Now, I'm well aware that these agents accept LOTS of material at conferences (cause, honestly? Do they really want to miss out on the next J.K.Rowling? Um, no).  So I realize that in the grand scheme of things, a couple of ms requests isn't all that much to get excited about.

Still.... I gotta know. You know?

I've heard that the acceptable period to follow up with an agent is somewhere between 2-3 months. And, despite my incessant need  to KNOW everything and WANT everything NOW, I have dutifully restrained myself these past few months from nagging said lovely agents. 

And believe me, its been a battle.

I'm talking like hitting-the-refresh-button-on-my-email-every-five-minutes and jumping-at-every-UNKNOWN-caller-on-my-cell-phone kind of battle.

However, now that it has been exactly 72.9 days since I'd sent in my material (yes, I'm counting, don't judge), I THINK I'm safe in sending a follow-up email...

But before I accidentally plaster a big sign on my forehead that says "I AM A HUGE NAG, DON'T SIGN ME!" I wondered what YOU peeps thought of my time frame. Two to three months acceptable? Or is it bad forum to do a follow up email at all?

P.s. As a completely unrelated side note, I must tell you all how much I HATE rush hour traffic. I just started a new job. Which is great, don't get me wrong. Especially the double income Hubbs and I are now enjoying. But oh my sweet 'lanta, heaven on earth and above!!! I just can't handle the commute. Know what I'm sayin'? My sanity is under review.

Battle of the Weevil

So there I am last week, minding my own business, pouring a bowl of cereal in the kitchen, when I see a little black bug crawl across the counter.

Hmmmmm.... definitely suspicious, and a little undesirable, I think, "But hey. No big deal," says I. It IS July. And I DO live in Houston. Bugs are sort of in Vogue right now. And I also figured that one little black bug was NOTHING compared to ants that swarmed my CLEAN basket of laundry the other day, OR the humungo roach I found crawling across the counter in my friend's bathroom (luckily, we live in different apt. complexes).

So.... what? I have one little harmless black bug. No biggy, right? 

Muahahahahaha. 

WRONG.

After the first little black bug siting, I kept seeing more.... and MORE. They'd be crawling in the cupboard. On the floor. Over the fruit basket. And although I was--admittedly--more worried about an attack from the ant masses congregating in the walls of my apartment, the little black bug issue started to peak my interest. 

Last night, after returning home from a restocking-our-fridge-with-frozen-foods-because-we-have-no-time-to-make-real-food trip at the grocery store, I happened upon one of the little black bugs crawling across the counter. Since Hubbs was there, I says to him: "Hubbs, what kind of bug is this?"

Of course, Hubbs doesn't know that much more about bugs than I do. But he IS the big, tough man of the house, and I figured I could use his manly prowess to help me figure out the source.

We started poking around the kitchen a little bit, trying to find where they were coming from....

And oh boy... we found 'em all right.

Weevils. Congregating en mass. Inside a bag of rice. SO. GROSS.

Because of the discovery of said weevil hidey hole, I spent this morning bleaching the H-E-double you-know-what outta my pasta cupboard. I found more weevils in the lasagna noodles, in the angel hair pasta noodles, and one blasted little guy that had made his way into a box of my Mac n' Cheese. Grrr.

Now THAT's just getting personal.

For a moment I considered killing the guy and saving the Mac. But then I started wondering... what if a lady weevil circulated through my Mac and lain little baby weevil eggs somewhere in my noodles? [sigh]. I threw the whole box away after that point. Dirty rotten....

However, this whole weevil v. Mac n' Cheese battle gave me a good idea for a blog post. Why? You ask. Because it kind of reminded me of editing a manuscript.

Sometimes when battling with a really tough section of manuscript--a section I secretly know I need to just give the ax to--I draaaaaaaag my feet to the chopping block. I'll sit there trying to justify why I should save the section, thinking something along the lines of: "Self, if you just delete this one paragraph, I think you can save the section." This is usually followed by an arduous process of trying to reword the rest of the section to make it kind-of-sort-of work. I work my butt off trying to save my section, all for the sake of my measly word count.

Basically: laziness.

This is a bad habit. One I'm getting better at fixing, but is still a work in progress. I just have to keep reminding myself that a crappy section of the book can be replaced.... by something weevil-less, something that will ultimately make my book better as a whole. Word count isn't everything. In fact, its nothing compared to the overall scheme of things.

Just ax it.

This, is my new motto for crappy weevil-filled sections of my book.

Weevils, Mac n' Cheese and Editing. Yes, I may have been suffering from a bleach high when I wrote this post...